The World Through His Eyes
by hoydenish
Summary: An ongoing story, with one chapter per episode, fleshing out some of Lee's inner thoughts during points in the episode. May be re-rated later for future episode, but PG for mild language for now.
1. First Time

First Time

_Just once, once, I would like a simple assignment to turn out to be just that. I go in, get the package, turn it over to Analytics, go home, grab a quick shower and then head out for the night. Cat-and-mouse in the name of national security is getting a bit old. I'm getting a bit old. Then again, it could be worse. I could be Warner. I could be dead._

Lee Stetson was talking to himself as he dodged in and out of the flow of morning commuters on the Amtrak platform. He gripped the small brown box like a football, but the goal line was nowhere in sight.

_Alright, Scarecrow. Time for a bit of that espionage magic that you're famous for. If I can't get this package out of here alive, I'm going to have to recruit someone else to help me._ _I hate having to endanger a civilian, but the alternative is endangering every field agent at the Agency, myself included. I just need to pick someone innocuous. Someone those goons chasing me won't give a second glance._

Seeing a youngish brunette woman in a trench coat approaching, he made a snap decision and spun her around to follow him.

_Jesus, woman, can't you tell that I'm desperate, or I'd never be asking for your help. Please, just listen to me and get on that damn train, or else we're both going to be in a world of hurt._

SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK

_She's actually quite pretty. Dowdy, but pretty. I didn't notice before. This might be more pleasant than I anticipated._

Lee stood on the stairs of his club, posing in his new tux. Catching her attention, he trotted lightly down the stairs, greeting her in his best smoky voice that, more often than not, caused women to give him whatever he was asking for.

_She's nervous. I guess that's understandable. She's pretty out of her element here. I'm guessing they don't have many daytime costume parties like this in Arlington. _

An attractive, Russian-looking woman breezed by, trailing her hand along Lee's chin and back.

_Hmmm, hell-o. Where do I know her from? Nice ass. Oh, right, Mrs. King. Guess this isn't going to be one of those parties. God, Celeste, you elitist snob, leave the poor woman alone. Maybe meeting at this party wasn't my best plan. I might as well ask her to dance, before anyone else comes by. She's easy to dance with. And she's very pretty. Ha! She thinks I'm a gangster. Oh, Amanda King, that would be the easy answer. My life is a lot more complicated than that, and the sooner I get that package from you, the sooner you can get out of it and head back to Arlington._

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Lee walked briskly up the stairs of the Jefferson Memorial.

_God, why is she still following me? It's like having a puppy. Always underfoot, and you don't have the heart to be cruel, because of those big, liquid brown eyes. Meddling too, with her persistent questions about my private life and my plans for Thanksgiving. She'd die of shock if she had any idea how I spend my free time. Why can't she simply understand that I don't want or need anyone? Is that so hard to believe? I don't know what possessed me to mention Jack. It's been over two years, and I still don't speak of him by name. It must be the strangeness of this case. And I guess I want her to know what happens to people who get too close to me. They die. Go back to Arlington, Amanda King. You seem like a nice woman, and I am an albatross. Get far away from me while you still can._

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He was ushered roughly towards the helicopter, his hands tied firmly behind his bed.

_Here we go again. Another life or death situation. Wait, what the hell? What is she doing here? That's too weird to be a coincidence, so she somehow managed to figure out the connection between the clues in the package and Colonial Cookery. Not just another pretty face, Mrs. King. Now if only you owned a gun. Although I admire your creativity in holding someone at gunpoint with a finger pistol, it isn't going to get us out of this mess. And I suppose it's unreasonable to expect you to know how to fly a helicopter. But just for a minute, it felt kinda good to have someone on my side for once._


	2. There Goes the Neighborhood

_Central American gun runners and the Betsy Ross Estates. Never a dull moment in the espionage game. If I didn't know better, I'd say Francine was trying to make me jealous with her knowledge of the intimate details of Congressman Holcom's life. Which is a ridiculous thought, since I'm the one who broke things off with her, and she'd be back in my bed in a second if I snapped my fingers. _

Lee followed Billy's amused glance to the security camera for the Georgetown foyer.

_Oh dear lord, that's Amanda King. Thank god Francine didn't see her. She'd never let me live it down. I'll just have to get rid of her. The Agency is the last place for a woman like her. Jesus, the woman is annoyingly persistent. She just won't shut up. Do I need her? Like I need a lead noose tied around my neck. Go become a typist, Mrs. King. There's nothing for you here, although you don't have to seem so happy about it._

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Walking across the street, he tried to make her understand that it wasn't his idea that they work together again, especially as they'd be undercover as husband and wife.

_This was a horrible idea, and I fully intend on telling Billy as much. For a woman who was practically begging me for a job this morning, she's being particularly choosy now that I'm being forced to ask for her help. She just doesn't understand how important the job is. If I tell her about the gun smuggling and my years of overseas experience, maybe she'll understand that working for the Agency is more than just a temporary distraction from whatever tedium passes for her day-to-day reality._

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After spending the afternoon setting up house and the evening entertaining their new, dull suburban neighbours, Lee was more than ready for a break. He came out of the ground floor bathroom, purposefully letting her see him unbuttoning his shirt.

_Maybe this case won't be a complete bust. I've caught her checking me out on a couple occasions, and she's not hard on the eyes either. She's actually quite bright, when she stops talking long enough to let you consider what she's saying. She mentioned a boyfriend, but if she means that limp dishrag I saw her with the other day when I was tailing her, they couldn't possibly be seriously involved. I've seen the elderly kiss with more passion. I wonder if I can tempt her into bed with me before I have to go back to work tonight. It's not like I'll be seeing her again after this case is over. But she can't even say the word "affair", let alone have one. Her naïveté would be sort of charming if it wasn't standing in the way of me getting some. Last chance, Amanda. I see you looking at my chest. You don't know what you're missing._

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They were in the kitchen, getting ready for their day. Lee was getting increasingly annoyed at Amanda's insistence on decorating the house as though it was her own.

_She really doesn't understand the difference between playing a cover and being yourself. For her, this is all real, right down to the blue kitchen curtains. And how dare she insinuate that I'm not normal! Just because I don't coach little league or drive a four-door car does not make me abnormal. I happen to lead a very exciting, exotic life. She's got a lot of nerve, telling me how to do my job when she's got, what? twelve hours of field experience to my ten years. But she brought up a really good point about the hair dryers. I hadn't made the connection between Betty Bodine's murder and Connie Beth. Just when I'm about to write her off as a green housewife in over her head, she goes toe-to-toe with me on my turf and comes out the winner. I was probably a bit hard on her earlier, but my ego is still stinging a bit from her complete dismissal of my come-on last night. Maybe I could be a bit more understanding. It's hardly her fault she's never been undercover before. Strange, how it feels good to make her feel better by simply complimenting her choice in kitchen curtains._

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Looking at Amanda pointedly in the eyes, he started to spin his tale about spying on Connie Beth.

_Come on, Amanda. Come on. Work with me here. I'm trying to save both of our hides. That's it! Good girl. She's got a natural talent for this sort of thing, going on and on about my forcing her to spy for the competition. And the hairspray! Absolutely brilliant, and just the distraction I needed to get us both out of those offices, onto the roof and down to the ground to safety. I could feel her trembling in my arms when we were in the air, but now she's back to her normal, chatty but unflappable self. For someone with no experience having her life put in danger, she's handling this surprisingly well. Actually, this whole case has been pretty surprising. There's more going on with this woman than meets the eye, that's for sure. I'd like to find out more, but she just shot me down again when I asked her out for a drink. I guess she's going to have to remain a mystery, because now that our brief suburban marriage is over, I doubt I'll ever see her again. Odd, how I find that a bit disappointing._


	3. If Thoughts Could Kill

If Thoughts Could Kill

Lee was standing in the bullpen, chatting with Francine, when Walt Kimbal entered the room, staring at the clock and then around the room.

_Something is very wrong here. Walt isn't even acknowledging me when I talk to him. It's like he's sleep-walking, or something. Jesus! He's pulled his gun! I've got to subdue him before he opens fire. Just don't shoot him. He's a good man. Has a family that needs him. Don't shoot him! Christ, my knee …_

_I hate hospitals. I hate doctors. I hate nurses. I hate Internal Affairs. Three days! Why don't you back audit my tax returns while you're at it? And what does Billy mean, not everyone likes me. I'm the most likeable guy there is! This personal assistant idea has promise, though. Maybe someone from the steno pool, to help with my sponge baths. Oh dear god. Amanda. She's the last person I want to see in my present mood. I just want to be a grumpy misanthrope, and she is always so annoyingly peppy. Of course she's a Bedside Bluebell. I'm surprised I hadn't guessed._

Amanda pushed Lee down the hallway in his wheelchair, and then he veered into Walt Kimbal's room.

_Poor Janet Kimbal. She's every reason why a field agent shouldn't have a family. Who would want to do that to someone they loved? Leave them sitting at a bedside or a graveside, wondering how they're going to survive without their partner? No, thank you. I'd much rather live my life alone, and spare everyone the pain of tears when I'm gone. It's fairer that way. _

He limped outside, enjoying the fresh air and kvetching at Amanda.

_She's a good sport, listening to me moan and gripe. And she brought me my comb. I need that comb. I just wish I could rest. Everytime I try I'm assaulted by these strange sensations, like an out-of-body experience. Did she really just suggest that my dreams were sexual? I don't know whether to be intrigued or embarrassed. Probably a little of both._

He was walking the hospital corridors, at her insistence. He was in an even worse mood than the day before.

_A chocolate bar? A crummy chocolate bar?! This is why we mix like oil and water. She's too much of a straight arrow. It's almost laughable, how different we are. I don't know what possessed me to suggest that she bring me a woman. That's a bit crass, even for me. But I'm so tired of being cooped up in this hospital and being poked and prodded at all hours of the day and night in a thoroughly unsexual way. There's Walt's room. I have to talk to Janet. It's on my list of things to accomplish today. Success comes one step at a time._

He was standing in the bullpen when the pieces of the puzzle surrounding Walt Kimbal's breakdown started to fall into place. He knew it had something to do with Billy, and that Walt hadn't been acting of his own accord.

_No, that's not quite it, Francine. Amanda King doesn't have a complete lack of … everything. She's just not our kind. You and I are cut from the same cloth. Rational. Detached. Professional. Amanda is none of those things, and that's why she makes both of us so uncomfortable. She must have had something to tell me, but the line got cut off and now I have to follow Billy to the hotel. I'll talk to her later._

Sitting beside Billy at the podium, his eyes darted between the clock and his supervisor.

_12:00. Kill Billy. 12:00. Kill Billy. Amanda. What? What? I have to kill Billy. Success comes one step at a time. My god Amanda, what was I about to do? How did she know? I was going to kill Billy, and somehow she figured it out and deprogrammed me, and then tried to pass the whole thing off as a bad joke. She doesn't know a thing about being an agent, but she saved Billy's life and my reputation and then she was gone before I could even thank her._


	4. Magic Bus

Magic Bus

Lee was sitting as his desk at the bullpen, putting off calling Amanda.

_I don't know why I'm delaying the inevitable. Like ripping off a bandaid, Stetson. Just call her and admit that the Agency needs her assistance again. It's only the use of her driveway. It's not like lives will depend on her. She's been helping Billy on odd jobs for a few months now, and no harm has come of it. I wish I knew why she made me so deeply uncomfortable. That must be her son who answered. Phillip, the older one. Is this Dean? Don't insult me, kid. Just let me talk to your mom and get this over with._

He let himself into the back garden of 4247 Maplewood Drive, needing to get in touch with Amanda.

_Nice house. Very Norman Rockwell. Of course, I've seen it before, when I was doing my initial background profile on her, but that was at night and from the street. The backyard is cozy. You forget about backyards when you live in apartments all the time. What is her mother talking to her about? An affair? Never in a million years, Mrs. West. Take it from me. Your daughter is as monogamous as they come._

_Don't get so excited, Amanda. I'm not asking you to infiltrate the Survivors and take them down single-handedly. And no, you haven't received any training from the Agency yet. The form has been sitting on my desk for weeks, and I still haven't submitted it. I'll get around to it, one of these years. Right after I figure out how I feel about you becoming an agent. But for now, just a simple round of golf._

He hefted his golf bag into the back of the Porsche, ranting about how Standish wouldn't outright admit to being a member of the Survivors.

_Hold on, hold on. Amanda got invited to the Survivors weekend by Mrs. Standish? Without my help? Figures. I didn't miss the cheeky look she gave me when she asked if I wanted to join her. She's enjoying this._

They entered the Georgetown foyer of the Agency in mid-argument, Lee insisting that Amanda not attend the Survivor's weekend retreat. Neither realized that Billy and Francine were observing their exchange from the security camera downstairs.

_What part of "no" is she not understanding? She's not trained for that sort of assignment. Yes, that's probably my fault. And yes, she was the one who got us, I mean me, invited, but still … Three months, and we're already fighting like an old married couple while clipping each other's badges on in the elevator. And then to add insult to injury, Billy goes and sides with Amanda. Traitor._

After a two mile jog, the Survivors crested a hill and came to a stop in front of a stream. Amanda threw herself to the ground, while Lee stretched his legs.

_Yes, Amanda, these are my bare legs. I've been told by women who know a thing or two about the male body that they're nearly perfect, so what do you think? Not bad? Not bad! She's either incredibly hard to please, myopic, or teasing me. I shouldn't let it bother me. I've never needed anyone else to validate my feeling of self-worth. But still … Look at her sitting there, all sporty and smug. She really is in very good shape. I'd compliment her, but I'm feeling a little stingy with my compliments at the moment. _

_Just admit it, Amanda. There's nothing wrong with finding espionage work exciting. I do. Well, on a good day, I do. You don't have to dress it up and make it into some noble pursuit. So, you're curious about me. I'm flattered. But you're about to learn that there's very little about my private life that I care to share. It's nothing personal. That's just how I'm made. So no, I won't tell you the story of how I became Scarecrow because I was in love with another agent named Dorothy. And we're most definitely not getting into my dating history. Huh, what do you know? That guy who stole the bus really does have a weasel-face._

Lee looked up at Donahue Dam, imagining the loss of human life if Standish got his way and destroyed it, just to make a point about national self-sufficiency.

_I'm sorry, Amanda. You have every right to be scared. I just wish you'd listened to me and not come along on this retreat. Then again, if you weren't here, who'd be helping me cut these cords so that I can try to stop them? Just stay out of the line of fire until I call for you, and then I'll drive us out of here._

_Ouch! God, getting shot hurts. So much for my plan to drive us to safety. There you go again, Amanda, saving the day when you ought to be frozen in fear. Where did you find the presence of mind to radio for help, drag my lame ass into the bus, and start driving? Just get us out of here, and I'll work on making sure this thing doesn't blow up that dam, or anything else, including you and me._

After the bus had been disabled, Lee and Amanda stepped outside, and she cut his jeans away from his injured leg.

_Sure, you can bandage up my "not bad" leg, Amanda. Anything to avoid the Agency medical clinic. And no, Francine, that wasn't me driving the bus. Credit where credit is due. That was all Amanda. Don't give me that look. I realize she's just a housewife, but she came through for me, and isn't that what matters? I'm not willing to admit that to Amanda, though. I'll just play it cool, like I don't care whether I ever see her again. Surely Billy will ask her to help me out again sometime soon, after her performance these past two days. But I can't help but flirt with her a little, now that she's been up close and personal with my leg a second time. And damn if she didn't flirt right back._


	5. The ACM Kid

The A.C.M. Kid

Lee tried everything to get the young boy to talk to him, but finally admitted defeat and called Amanda.

_Yes, it's me. Just how many men do you have calling you that you might not recognize my voice? And hardy-har-har. I'll have you know that the girls, er, women I date are well past the age of majority. But anytime I date someone in their thirties, after the first couple dates I can already see them mentally moving into my apartment and opening a joint chequing account, so there is method to my madness. Now can we move on?_

_Poor kid. He reminds me of me at his age. All attitude and front. Maybe if I let him know I can identify with him, he'll open up to me. It couldn't make things any worse. And it's not like Francine is faring much better. So much for her stellar interrogation techniques. And we both know she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. I really don't like the idea of Alexei spending the night in juvenile custody. I've seen enough of those places to know that they're no place for a kid. What harm could come of having him stay with me for one night?_

The doorbell to Lee's apartment rang the next morning.

_It's far too early to deal with Amanda. I haven't had my coffee yet. And she is insufferably awake and talkative. Yes, Amanda, I'm capable of taking care of a child for a day or two. It's not rocket science. You talk some. You listen some. Although I hadn't exactly thought the food situation through. That's why you're the mother, and I'm the bachelor._

_He's funny, Alexei. I'm sort of enjoying his company. What harm can a few frozen pizzas do? And I couldn't help myself. I had to needle Amanda about her obvious excitement that she'll have a security detail today. She tries to play it down, but I know she loves the whole "spy" thing. She's delightfully easy to get a rise out of._

At the Lug Wrench Bar, Lee was busy spinning his cover as Ricky Jo Jackson when he saw Amanda at the door.

_Christ, what's she doing here? She's going to blow my cover just as I'm starting to get somewhere. Where the hell did that southern accent come from? If I didn't know better, I'd say it was natural. She's full of surprises. But insulting my skills in the bedroom when she knows I can't retaliate is downright mean. Delightfully funny. But mean._

He looked around his apartment that evening, finally noticing that it wasn't littered with clutter.

_See, this is what I'm talking about. We aren't even dating, and she's rearranging my apartment! It must be some kind of thirty-something nesting instinct. And while, if pressed, I'll admit that the place looks better, it really wasn't necessary. If I wanted a woman's touch around here, I'd hire a cleaning lady. But I suppose the polite thing to do is show appreciation._

_I'm surprised at how close I came to telling her about my childhood. That's totally not my style. In my experience, women who find out that I was orphaned suddenly want to mother me, which is the last thing I want. And then there's the pity. I can't stand pity. It's not like she isn't going to find out one way or another anyway; I'm sure someone at the Agency will trot out the old hackneyed "poor Scarecrow never knew love as a child so that's why he's the way he is" storyline. Hopefully by the time that happens, she'll have been around long enough to realize that there's more to me than that. Or not. I suppose it shouldn't matter what she thinks. Except that it somehow does._

He sat in his parked car across the street from 4247 Maplewood Drive. He glanced nervously at the stuffed panda beside him.

_Come on, Stetson. It's a stuffed animal. She obviously thought it was cute. You sure as hell don't need it now that Alexei is back with his parents. And she was a big help on this case. Not just taking care of Alexei, but playing your ex-wife convincingly and helping you both get untied in that utility closet last night. What's the harm in saying thank you in a way you know she'll appreciate? It has nothing to do with buying her affections. They are obviously not for sale, and even if they were, you couldn't afford them. And it definitely has nothing to do with the weather dude's car being parked in her driveway. She's entitled to her personal life, the same as you are. Nevermind that he's obviously completely unworthy of her. She's a grown woman and she can make her own choices. But that doesn't mean I have to like them. I'll just leave the bear on the front porch and ring the doorbell. She doesn't even have to see me. Just know that I'm thinking of her…_


	6. Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Lee was taking Francine and Billy through his slide presentation about Prince and Princess Khan of Zaqir when Amanda knocked on the office window.

_Was Francine always this catty, or does Amanda bring out her less attractive qualities? I knew Billy wanted to involve Amanda in this assignment, and for once, I actually agree with him. Despite her lack of training and an embarrassing tendency to run off at the mouth when she's nervous, she has all the requisite skills to put the princess at ease and not tip her off that she's Agency. She couldn't be much less Agency if she tried. Which is exactly why she shouldn't know how to hit. That's my department._

Lee stood on the steps of the Zaquiran embassy, watching in shock as Amanda's station wagon drove up.

_Invited? I knew she and the princess seemed to hit it off, but how did she manage to get invited to a royal reception on less than a day's notice?_

_I admire the prince's sang froid in the face of an assassination attempt, but he's creating a security nightmare by insisting on continuing on as if nothing happened. He clearly loves his wife very much, but even I can see that she's very shaken and wants nothing more than to call off the event._

_There's Amanda. She fits in surprisingly well with these international types, with her statuesque shoulders and classic black dress. If you ignore the cast and don't allow her to speak, that is. If she's going to tease me about being allowed into the party, however, then I'm going to pull rank and remind her of all the things she needs to learn about undercover operations. She's obviously not going anywhere, despite my best attempts to be rid of her, and if I'm going to have her helping me on assignments, then she needs to know what to do. She can use her newfound friendship with the princess to gather intelligence and report back to me._

Lee met with Amanda on the bridge near her neighbourhood grocery store.

_Loathe as I am to admit it, Amanda is clearly our best chance to find out who is really trying to kill Prince Khan. I know her well enough by now to know that appealing to her sense of friendship and loyalty is much more likely to sway her that flat out bullying her. Maybe I'm being manipulative, but it's for a good cause, because at the end of the day, we both want the same thing – the royal couple's safety._

Later, at Bo Johnson's ranch, outside Amanda's bedroom window …

_I wish I could hear what they were saying. Granted, Amanda will tell me if the princess says anything to help with the assignment, but I'm curious to know what they find to talk about. What could an Arlington housewife and a princess have in common? I can only hear snippets of their conversation through the thin glass panes of the patio door. Something about honeysuckle? And sexy nightgowns? And then I distinctly heard Amanda say "it could be better without the sexy nightgown". What the hell are they talking about? And why does the idea of Amanda discussing seduction make me profoundly …. something? I was so flustered, I let the princess see me outside before jumping back into the shadows. And here I am schooling Amanda on how not to blow her cover ..._

_So the princess thinks I'm cute, does she? I wonder if that's what she and Amanda were talking about? And if so, how did the topic of sexy nightgowns come up? Alright, focus on the job Scarecrow. Amanda's managed to gather quite a bit of useful information about the princess and Johnson Oil._

Standing next to Amanda, watching the prince and princess drive off …

_Maybe I can get her to admit that she thinks I'm cute, if I bring up her conversation with the princess last night. But no. Contrary to a fault, she instead admits that she allowed the princess to believe that we're having an affair. She can't possibly expect me to keep my eyes off her now._


	7. Service Above and Beyond

Service Above and Beyond

Lee stands by his Porsche near the Reflecting Pool, waiting for Amanda to arrive.

_What the hell do you think you're doing, Stetson? You don't need anyone from the Agency to accompany you to this party. And since when have you had trouble finding a date on a Friday night? No, you wanted to invite Amanda, and you want to make it seem like she was a last minute replacement, so that she won't have enough time to figure all that out for herself._

_And there's the answer to my question now. I needed to see Amanda King in that dress. So much so that my usual quick wit and charm fail me and I can't manage to find a way to compliment her in a way that won't blow my cover of tepid acquaintance._

At the Quickie Chickie Snack Shack party …

_I leave her alone for five minutes, and she's in the arms of some other guy. And not just any guy. My potential suspect. Who has his hands all over her in that dress. She finally looks like she's having a good time. Just not with me. At least she had the good sense to give him a fake name and number._

Later, in Billy's office …

_Why does Billy insist on making me acknowledge Amanda's strengths? Yes, fine. She thought on her feet. And yes, apparently James Delano found her intriguing enough to ask for her number. But mysterious and exotic? That's taking things a little too far. And I don't like the idea of her going undercover alone._

Lee listens from the surveillance van as Amanda and James Delano have dinner.

_She's doing okay with the cover story for Victoria Greenwich, I suppose. I would have expected her to be more nervous. But listening to that creep Delano making the moves on her is making me want to gag on my sandwich. And it "wasn't really anyone" who brought her to the party last night? I'm the damn reason she was there. Without me, she would have been back in Arlington, doing macramé or something equally wholesome and boring._

_Oh for Christ's sake. It shouldn't be that complicated, Amanda. Stick to your scenario. Keep your hands away from the mic in the brooch. Keep James Delano's hands away from the brooch, which is pinned right next to your … Fine, I'll meet you in the ladies' room._

_Oh, so it's Jim now? And she thinks that he's sincere? Now she's just being annoyingly naïve. It's time to remind Amanda King just what is what. She is a housewife. I am a trained intelligence operative. And Jim is a suspect in the sale of classified information to the East Germans. And yet she has the nerve to accuse me of being jealous of him! Being jealous would mean I would have to care about how she spends her time and with whom, and I could care less. The only thing I care about is making sure she doesn't blow her cover and jeopardize my case._

Afterwards, at Victoria Greenwich's mansion …

_I'm not sure why I'm here. I could read about the rest of Amanda's date with Delano in her report tomorrow. I guess I wanted to make certain she got in safely. And alone. Of course, she isn't going to give me the satisfaction of telling me about the rest of her evening, but she doesn't look like a woman who's been ravished in the backseat of a limousine. I have a certain amount of expertise in that area, and she looks just like she always does, only with a certain extra sparkle in her eyes that is mildly unsettling. I wonder if he kissed her goodnight._

Lee paces in front of the Smithsonian Museum.

_She's late. She wouldn't not show up, would she? In the cold light of day, I'm feeling a bit ashamed about my behaviour last night. Maybe she's right. Maybe I was acting … well, not jealous. Overly protective, possibly. But it was her first solo undercover assignment, and I felt responsible. But now I really need her to understand what she's potentially getting herself into. This isn't some made-for-TV drama. An agent and my contact are both dead, and the smart money is on James Delano being involved in their deaths. There she is._

_I'm hoping she didn't hear my little sign of relief when she said she wasn't getting involved with James Delano. Her confession that the whole situation feels like a make-believe fantasy makes me nervous, not for our case, but for her. That's the danger of undercover work. You can get lost in the persona you take on. But to my chagrin, Billy wants her to continue to pursue this "relationship" with Delano in order to get me into the East German ambassador's party on Saturday night. Maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe he won't call her again and I'll have to figure out another way to get in._

_Why is she smiling at me like that? I'm trying to explain how difficult this next phase of the assignment will be, and she's smirking. Oh damn it, he's already invited her to the party. I'd be more upset, if she wasn't so adorably keen to do her part to solve this case._

Driving to the party on Saturday night …

_No, no cha-cha, Amanda, although I appreciate your attempt at levity. I just want you to lay low, get me into Delano's office, and then get the hell out of there. Even that's more than I'd prefer, but you're a good soldier for accepting to do this for me, for the Agency. I know being involved in getting James Delano arrested is hard for you, because you want to see the good in everyone. But to operate in my world, you have to be able to turn off your feelings if you want to survive intact. I just don't want you to get hurt. _

_She must be scared, her hand is cold and shaking slightly when I take it to help her out of the car. I feel like I should say something, something to make her understand that I understand how hard this is. But the best I can come up with is a sincere but belated compliment about how lovely she looks. Hopefully it soothes her nerves._

Lee overpowers his assailant in Delano's study.

_If they're on to me, that means they're probably on to Amanda. I have to get her out of here. Where could she be? Wait, that's her purse on the bannister. Thank you for leaving me a clue, Amanda. Dammit, where is she?_

_I swear to God, Hollander, if you've killed her I'm going to send you to meet your maker and that traitor Delano can follow you. She's got a pulse! I've got to get her out of here. Find out from Delano what was in that vial, and get her out of here. Hold on, Amanda. I'm going to get you out of here. Just hold on._

Lee is sitting beside her in the back of the ambulance, watching the paramedic work on her.

_Dammit, this is exactly why I didn't want her to continue the undercover assignment! She's just not ready. She's clever and she's plucky and she's got great instincts and she's lovely, but I can't be responsible for placing her in harm's way until she's got more experience. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to her. And I'm not ready to tell her any of that._


	8. Saved by the Bells

Saved by the Bells

Lee is enjoying the celebration after catching Rostov.

_Ah, this is what I live for. The roll-up-your-sleeves, don't-pull-your-punches world of espionage. I'm still riding the high of capturing Rostov earlier today, and the only thing that could make this day any better would be for Billy to give me some time off so that I can head to Bermuda and recharge my batteries. Sure, I could call up some girlfriend or another and enjoy a little well-deserved downtime here in DC, but the idea of leaving town is appealing. Maybe the puppy-dog eyes and dimples work just as well on Billy ..._

Amanda arrives at Lee's apartment, only to find out that "Melvin" is one of his fish.

_I suppose I should feel bad for manipulating her into coming over here. But if I'm going to let anyone trespass in my personal space for a week, I'd rather it be Amanda. She sounds upset that I'm relying on her willingness to help me. Isn't that what people do? Use each for mutual benefit? I should do something nice for her when I get back. But I'd really rather she not clean up the place. She's already done that once, and it took me days before I got everything back the way I like it._

Lee is dragged into Billy's office by two large men.

_What the hell? I know Billy wasn't crazy about me taking this vacation, but this is a bit extreme. Oh no. What have I done? I left Amanda in my apartment, and now someone has taken her, thinking that she's me. Think, Scarecrow. How do I fix this?_

_I hate Internal Affairs. I can't believe they are going to leave Amanda hanging out there. Have they no humanity? She's not trained for this. She has no idea what to say, what to do, in a situation like this. That's my job. If they had taken me, and then the White House had refused the trade, that would be one thing. That's what I agreed to when I took this job. But no-one ever explained those terms to Amanda, and now she's paying the price._

_What's Billy trying to get at? Do I feel differently about Amanda than I do any other agent? Of course I do! I'm the one who got her involved with the Agency in the first place. This is entirely my fault. If I hadn't coerced her into feeding my fish …. If I hadn't handed her that package at the train station …. She saved my ass that day, without asking for a thing in return. It has nothing to do with being romantically involved with her. It's much purer than that, and that's why I won't let this drop._

Lee steals Rostov from the Agency and brings him to the Congressional Country Club.

_Amanda! Thank god. Just drive, Amanda. Come on, come on. Goodbye, Rostov. Say hello to the USSR for me._

_Oh, she's shaking. She's got that squeak in her voice she gets when she's overwrought. Don't cry, Amanda. I can deal with almost anything, but please don't cry._

Watching Rostov's golfcart disappear over the horizon ...

_Well, there goes my chance for a commendation for capturing Rostov. Hard to imagine that Dr. Smyth is going to be very understanding when I just traded a top Soviet spy for a housewife. I'll be lucky if they don't suspend me, or toss me to the curb. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, though. No-one deserves to be told they aren't worth fighting for, especially Amanda._

Amanda pulls up in front of Lee's gym …

_I can't believe she found me. So much for being a top notch spy, if Amanda tracked me down. Then again, the Agency didn't find me. I guess she's just getting to know me pretty well. I'm deeply uncomfortable talking about trading Rostov for her. Can't we just say it was the right thing to do and leave it at that? Some things shouldn't be too closely analyzed. But no, she just has to keep on talking. _

_I suppose she has a point. If there was really nothing that she could do for me, why did I leave the safety of my gym and hop in her car? The car that very clearly is being followed by Agency trackers. Now she's in trouble as well, for aiding and abetting a refugee from justice. I just can't seem to help myself when it comes to relying on her. Here I am asking her to help me again._

_I'm impressed by how much detail she remembers from her abduction. I really wasn't kidding in that ambulance. She is going to make a great agent some day. If I don't get her killed first._

Lee and Amanda drive around the neighbourhood where she believes she was held.

_Alright, I'm starting to lose my patience. Several hours listening to Amanda talk about where she "feels" she was help captive is starting to wear on my nerves. Can't we just deal with facts? I really could care less about Pretzel the Clown and his chickenpox! I'm starting to grind my teeth._

_God, if she's picked the wrong house, I'm going to lose it. Is it possible to die of embarrassment? If anyone could cause me find out, it would be Amanda King._

_Or, she could be right on target. I should know by now not to doubt her. But there's something very disconcerting about someone calling Amanda "Scarecrow". It would be a cruel irony to have been charged with treason, only to have Amanda shipped off to Moscow anyway. Situations like this make me crazy. Figuring out how to save my own skin in second nature, but I'm not very good at considering someone else in my escape plan. It's one of the reasons I like to work alone._

_Alright, Lee, this isn't Amanda's fault, so don't bite her head off. Deep breath. She's done nothing but try to help you, so don't let your frustrations out on her. Just think fast, before they make her disappear permanently._

Amanda fakes biting down on a cyanide pill, and they escape from the room where they are held.

_Quick thinking, as always, Amanda. And as much as I appreciate your willingness to learn how to shoot and let me escape, the obvious answer is for you to go for help. I'll be fine. I always am. Although I could do with fewer punches to my gut. Of course, she came back for me, rather than wait for the Agency back-up to arrive. And somehow managed to persuade the bad guys to lay down their weapons without so much as a nail file. That woman was born under a lucky star. And I guess I'm pretty lucky to have her around as well._


	9. Sudden Death

Sudden Death

Lee limps into the locker room, nursing his bad knee.

_I am far too old for this crap. Very much more of this, and I'm going to be forced into early retirement. At least there's no-one around to witness this fiasco. Oh, for crying out loud … Amanda. Just what my battered ego needs. The very last thing I need right now is her sympathy and coddling. But since she's here, I might as well send my report to Billy. Then maybe she'll leave and I can try to figure out how to walk as far as the showers._

Lee sneaks out of his room after curfew and snoops around Crandall's office …

_Eleven pm. Amanda should be waiting for me outside by now. I think I purposefully tease her just to enjoy her sassy reactions. Purist, indeed. No sassy reaction to being forcefully kissed, though. Sorry, Amanda. Just one of the hazards of undercover work. Thanks for not slapping me. And not blowing my cover. For future reference, kissing Amanda King may be the only sure fire way to shut her up._

The next day at practice …

_I can't stop myself from making a teasing reference to our little rendezvous at the window last night, but she's studiously ignoring me. And totally not falling for my idle boasting about my glory days as a jock. Didn't she say she used to be a cheerleader? She must have had a crush on a quarterback or two, back in the day._

Lee waits anxiously by his car at the address where Amanda said she'd brought Beyla.

_Goddamit, where is she? How does she manage to get herself into these crazy situations? There she is. Now all that worry is turning into anger at her for losing Beyla! How hard can it be to make note of an address where you know someone is being held hostage? At least she can find her way back there. Why didn't she just tell me that first off? The woman tries my patience._

Lee wakes up the next morning, slumped in an office chair.

_This case has been really hard on the ego. First the physical pummeling. Then being disarmed by that goon last night right as I was assuring Amanda of my professional abilities. And then totally misreading the situation with these bookies. They weren't connected to the Liechtenstein assassination at all. Not that it changes the fact that we both just spent the night in a dingy office that reeks of cigar smoke, both wearing straightjackets._

_Look at her. She looks like an angel when she's sleeping. Maybe because it's one of the few times she's silent._

_Who knew Amanda knew anything about football? At least we've figured out what they are planning to do to Beyla. We just have to get to the stadium in time to stop them._

Lee waits outside Amanda's kitchen window with a football, champagne and two flutes.

_Poor Amanda, getting the third degree from her mother. That must be where she gets her tendency to ramble on. I wonder if she's realized that this is the second encounter we've had through an open window this week? I was concerned that my less-than stellar behaviour on this case might have … I don't know… upset her in some way, so I came bearing gifts. But I needn't have worried. She is, to paraphrase my football inscription, a heck of a good friend. _


	10. The Long Christmas Eve

The Long Christmas Eve

Lee and Francine are in Billy's office, being briefed about Rudolph.

_Man, this guy has been out in the cold for the better part of the past two decades. His wife is dead. He doesn't know his daughter. That isn't a life. It's barely an existence. I wonder if that's what is in store for me, minus the wife and child?_

Lee stands in the bullpen, the office Christmas party taking place around him.

_What I wouldn't give for a nice, solo assignment right now. All this forced jovialness makes my skin itch. And Francine's barbs about Amanda are really wearing thin. Although I'm trying to think if there's a more impersonal gift than socks. Even Billy got a sweater. I wonder what I should read into that?_

_Ah, I must have been a good boy this year. The Christmas assignment that I was hoping for has arrived. Naturally, Billy wants me to bring Amanda, which is wrong on a number of levels._

Lee and Amanda drive towards Rudolph's cabin…

_Whoever came up with the expression "peace on Earth" never met Amanda King. The woman could talk the hind end off a mule. And given her little slip up about fatherless children, I guess she's been talking to other people about me as well. I suppose it was inevitable, but I hope she doesn't think it means I'm suddenly going to open up and start telling her my life story. Still, if she wants to fantasize about my having some kind of pleasant childhood memories to reflect back on, I might as well set her straight. There was no Norman Rockwell Christmas for me as a little boy. And that's definitely for the best. You can't miss what you've never had._

Walking through the woods towards Rudolph's cabin …

_Amanda's right. We could probably slow down a bit. Especially considering she's the one carrying most of our gear. I figured if I kept my pace brisk, she wouldn't have enough breath to keep talking, and if she wasn't talking, she wouldn't be tricking me into disclosing any more secrets about my childhood. I've already said more in the past two hours than collectively in the previous two years._

_As I suspected, once her feet stopped moving, her mouth was back at it. Hush, Amanda! I can't even spare a moment to consider that you think I threw you to the forest floor as a means of propositioning you. Not my usual modus operandi, but it's nice to know the idea doesn't disgust you anymore. Not that it matters. Not that I'd ever consider …_

Inside Rudolph's cabin …

_Oh, very funny Amanda. Throw my words back in my face as an example of a miserable Christmas. I can see how much this is affecting her. She's got such a soft heart, she wants Rudolph to believe that she's his daughter just to make him feel better._

_A truce? No, Amanda, we can't just call a truce. My job is to secure Rudolph and get the two of you out of here alive. Let me do my job._

_Alright, I've got one of them pinned. This might just work if I can disarm him and … Noise. Behind me. Shit. Run. Oh. Sudden pain. Cabin. Cover fire. Run. Inside. Amanda's voice. Shot. Horrible pain. Can't make it stop. Blackness._

_Cool water. Amanda's hand in my hair. Voices talking. Amanda telling Rudolph the story of how we met. Never should have happened. Look where it's brought her, caged in a cabin on Christmas Eve with the KGB outside, and I can't do a thing to make it better. Hate that. Hate feeling out of control._

_Wait, the KGB are inside the cabin? What kind of blood loss delirium is this? And Amanda's somehow found first aid supplies where there were none before. I don't understand. This can't actually be happening. They called a truce. I have no idea how she did it, but she got them to call a damn truce. Give her enough time and enough baking supplies, and Amanda King could probably put the entire Agency out of work. And she brings me vodka. She's amazing._

The next morning, Lee is sitting in his hospital bed, recovering.

_Amanda's on the phone. She'd have a fit if she knew I was drinking champagne at 8am while recovering from a gunshot wound. But I feel like I have things to celebrate. I'm alive. She's alive. We brought Rudolph in, so the Agency hasn't been compromised. And as unorthodox as it may seem, lying here in a hospital bed on Christmas day with a Russian sniper-sized hole in my shoulder, this is still the best holiday I can remember._


	11. Remembrance of Things Past

Remembrance of Things Past

Lee and Amanda are sitting at a table at Monk's bar.

_A tourist at Mount Rushmore? Is that really how I was treating her? I guess I was being a bit condescending. I have a tendency to fall into the role of patient but exasperated teacher when it comes to describing the ins and outs of espionage to Amanda. Which is sometimes warranted, but not always. Despite her freshly scrubbed naiveté about a lot of things, she's not ignorant, and she's certainly more than a curious onlooker in this business. I guess I'm just a little unsettled, with her here on my turf, with no case in sight. Not for the first time tonight, I wonder why I didn't brush off her question about my after-hours haunts and instead spontaneously invited her to join me at Monk's._

After abruptly leaving Monk's, Lee and Amanda stand by her car.

_I'm trying to decide if it's a blessing or a curse to have someone so concerned for my personal safety. I'm fundamentally against having a woman smother, hen-peck, or do anything else that has even a whiff of mothering to it, but Amanda has a gift for doing something for you while making you feel like you're doing her a favour by agreeing to it. It gives me an excuse to accept her offer of a ride home while not letting on in the slightest that I might be mildly worried about the note I just received._

In Billy's office, watching Francine run through the slideshow of the killer's victims.

_Who does she think she's trying to fool? Francine knew full well what she was saying when she let on that she's slept with some of these victims. It's a little game she likes to play, apparently to remind me of what I'm missing. I can't help but retaliate by reminding her just how long it's been since I've been interested in her particular game of … backgammon. I wonder at her lack of compassion, though. She's been intimate with some of these men, and yet she's barely batting an eyelash when describing their recent deaths. I'd like to think she'd be more shaken by my death, but then again, maybe not._

Lee waits in the backyard for Dottie and the boys to leave and Amanda is alone in her family room.

_I'm embarrassed to admit it never occurred to me how my "death" would affect Amanda. When the opportunity presented itself, I just seized it as a great chance to solve the mystery of these agents' deaths. And to be honest, it seemed like a great joke, to be playing dead. Listening to her cry and mourn my passing, it doesn't seem quite so funny anymore. But it's nice to be so warmly welcomed back to the land of the living. I'm feeling … I don't know what the word is … uncomfortable but happy at the same time, like getting a toothache from that first delicious bite of ice cream. Of course she's angry with me, and I know I should apologize for putting her through this, but I can't seem to help myself. When I'm uncomfortable, I get sarcastic and glib. It's just the way I am. But the least I can do is let her understand that I'm deeply touched by her heartfelt explanation of what my death meant to her. Yes, Amanda, I care. But caring feels more like the toothache, and less like the ice cream. Thank you for having the good grace and sense to let the matter drop and move on to safer topics, like sandwiches._

Later that night, Lee and Amanda are eating dinner.

_What an odd day. If anyone would have told me that I'd be spending the night in Arlington with Amanda King and making her Japanese for dinner, I would have laughed in their face. But I'm still trying to make up for her obvious distress at my so-called death. I'm a little surprised she agreed to try the squid. I think I may have been testing her. I could just as easily offered to make chicken parmesan or beef stroganoff, but I wanted to see how she'd react to something exotic. And maybe I was showing off a bit._

At the hotel for transients …

_I feel like an idiot. I usually don't mind getting dressed up as part of my cover, but something about wearing Amanda's boyfriend's stupid plaid hunting jacket and cap is making my skin crawl. I let my sudden bad mood out on Amanda when she offers up $100 to rent a room that goes for $10 an hour at most. How long was she expecting us to hang around? Any bad humour disappears when she's attacked in the bathroom, however. I panic when I heard her cry out my name from the other side of the locked door, kicking it down without thought. Thankfully she's alright, but she's going to have a lump on the back of her head for a while._

_Poor Amanda. Checking into a seedy hotel with me, getting attacked, having to pretend to be in bed with me in front of the hotel desk clerk. I bet she's wishing I was dead all over again by now._

Arriving back at Amanda's home from the Bonnyville Drive-In …

_So the movie ticket was a clue! I think we're on to something. But I can't think here at Amanda's place. It's comfortable enough, and she's been great letting me stay, but I operate best in my own space, not surrounded by someone else's life. But she's right, I can't just run off every time the mood strikes. I can't help but feel like she's passing subtle judgement on my lifestyle choices. How many different ways can I explain it to her that I'm never going to conform to her idea of what a normal person should be? If I wanted a boring, predictable life, I never would have signed up to work at the Agency. I gave up pot roast and board games in exchange for expense accounts and last minute trips overseas. I think I got the better end of that bargain._

Lee overpowers Russell Sinclair, who falls from the fire escape.

_The always unflappable Amanda King. Strap her to a chair and threaten to blow her to kingdom come, and she's still just fine. It's like she never doubted that I'd get to her in time. That kind of trust can feel like a heavy burden, but I don't mind carrying it. But now that the case is wrapped up, I can get back to my regular routine. It wasn't as hard as I imagined, sharing a roof with her for a couple days. For all her apparent rigidity, she was really quite easy to get along with, even if she doesn't keep a good selection of wine at hand. But when she asks me sincerely if I'm disappointed to be going back to my solitary lifestyle, instead of sharing her table again, I'm not lying when I say that I'm not. What I don't mention is that I'm disappointed that she's not disappointed as well._


End file.
